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March 23, 2000
One of Those Moods

Earlier this evening I was in a mood where I didnít want to talk to anyone. Of course thatís also about the time when my phone started ringing. I donít know what has been wrong with me lately. I havenít been able to get most of my homework assignments done on time recently and little things have been making me very upset. Maybe this is a normal phase, but it is starting to get on my nerves and I know it has been getting on other peopleís nerves too.

This morning I woke up at 9 AM to the sound of my phone ringing. If it hadnít rung I would have kept sleeping so for once I was glad for that person who always calls me and hangs up. Last night I finished my circuits lab report that was due today so that was one assignment finished Ė two to go. The circuits prelab had been started the night before and I knew there was very little chance of me understanding the material to finish it before class Ė one assignment that never got finished. As soon as I got dressed and ate breakfast I started working on my astrodynamics homework that was due at 5 PM. Can you imagine how stressful it was, sitting on my bed working on orbital mechanics, knowing that I had less than three hours to get as much done as possible. Out of five problems, three and a half of them had been touched by the time I left for my circuits lab. After lab was over (it didnít take the entire three hours) I went to the aerospace engineering building to continue working on astro. I got there at 3 PM and the homework was due at 5 PM Ė again I was facing a high anxiety situation. Surprisingly I was done with the homework at 4:35 PM so I turned it in and went home.

I guess my brain was still in that ďleave me alone because I have to workĒ mode because thatís how I felt about people bothering me. I went to dinner and found a way to act normal while all three of my little sisters were around. I thought that the new members (including my new little sisters, Amanda and Melissa) were going to serenade their big sisters after dinner but I was wrong. That was a bit of a disappointment, but I know they are going to do it sooner or later. After dinner Stuart called and I donít think I was a very good conversation partner. My brain was telling me to keep quiet for some reason and I couldnít think of another purpose for opening my mouth. Iím sorry about that Stu. I feel like there is a large weight on top of my head and it is keeping the brain from functioning properly. There are a hundred thoughts streaming through my head but none of them are phone conversation material. I guess I am usually just running through my ever-growing list of worries and figuring out what needs the most of my attention. When my mom called later I think I may have been downright rude. She kept asking me if I was all right and I didnít have the energy to convince her that I was. Mom, itís not that I didnít want to talk to you, but I donít think I would have been very pleasant (not because of you or anything) and I didnít have anything to say.

I thought that writing down my feelings would make me feel better. Now that I am almost done, however, nothing has changed. Maybe there is something else that is bothering me and I havenít figured out what it is yet. Maybe I should get to work do that my list of worries will have a chance to get shorter. Maybe I just need some rest. I only have one homework assignment due tomorrow so we'll see how much of it I get done before I need to hand it in. Tomorrow night and Saturday morning we are having initiation at Alpha Chi Omega so expect a review of those activities this weekend. Also my sorority formal is Saturday night, but Stu and I are not going. I am going to have a dull weekend with my schoolbooks. That sounds like most of my weekends, doesnít it? Some old, same oldÖ